god okay I should be doing something productive like I don't know applying to college but instead I am sitting here loling at random people's journals (which I have been doing a lot lately, ugh why such a creeper marie ;; ). also my right hand is freezing fsr, I am making the Belgian dark hot chocolate my mom apparently got for me, and I really prefer the way my name looks when it's all lowercase.

I just spent 21 hours without cell service you guys, it felt like I'd had a limb cut off D: urgh I have nothing to say right now, I plan to drown myself in Idol Army (because tvxqluvv has made me so curious about their crazy that I can no longer keep it in) and ciabatta bread. mmmmmm ciabatta.

I dreamed Evans gave me a 28 on my in-class essay. D:

Anyone want to get together over break? And by that I mean 'let's set some dates, people.' Don't make me text you. :\

Things That Make One's Heart Beat Faster

Sparrows feeding their young. To pass a place where babies are playing. To sleep in a room where some fine incense has been burnt. To notice that one's elegant Chinese mirror has become a little cloudy. To see a gentleman stop his carriage before one's gate and instruct his attendants to announce his arrival. To wash one's hair, make one's toilet, and put on scented robes; even if not a soul sees one, these preparations still produce an inner pleasure.
It is night, and one is expecting a visitor. Suddenly one is startled by the sound of rain-drops, which the wind blows against the shutters.

清少納言 - 枕草子 (Sei Shōnagon - The Pillow Book)

so I got a formspring. I'm going to do my best to be really honest with it (but no promises lol).

also I am just in love with this woman's photos.

lol my life.

am planning to spend today with hot chocolate, lots of blankets, the last episode of Dexter S3, and Sei Shonagon's Pillow Book (which I got last night for $5, awwwww yeah Powell's). whee.

when I saw this I literally went "hoooooooly shiiiiiiiit DO WANT." they would look gorgeous with this pair of back seam tights that have disappeared off MC :[ something like this except more pink, which made them look more sweet than trashy, if that makes sense. seeing shit like this makes me want to lose weight (and yet I spent all day today eating fudge, damn you holiday baking season!). but apparently mom got the ~special version of Wii Fit or something, so I know what I'll be doing over the break lol.

somebody brought up today that this is our last winter break (as high schoolers)—I keep getting these little reminders that I'm not going to be here next year, and it's a really bizarre feeling. I can't wait to get out of high school but I'm also so apprehensive about college, especially given how behind I am in everything.... but I guess we'll see what happens.

and Zhou Mi is so elegant. he's got a really (aristocratic? is that the word I'm looking for?) profile and legs for daaaaaaaaaaaays omg I am such a sucker for long legs ;;

it's really depressing to realize someone doesn't like/trust you nearly as much as you do them.

was going to write a long blog about the Lady Gaga Question.
wrote a ukulele song about it instead, played it in my kitchen with a flashlight and and posted it to youtube.

here it is:



may still write that blog but it may be moot.

it is fucking amazing how prolific my ukulele writing becomes when i have other important shit i'm really supposed to be doing.


xxx
afp

I just cannot get over this gif. way to be subtle, Sungmin. (although to be fair I'm pretty sure that is everyone's reaction.)

songs with an environmental message, go (except you, Christin)

oh god I am so fucked for everything.



also I realized last night that maybe the reason I've been so exhausted so early lately is because I haven't eaten dinner in I-don't-know-how-long :/

So, I pretty much don't use this anymore. I'll still use it occasionally, but don't expect frequent entries from me, 'kay?

So, my soul is slowly being consumed. Hi, IB. AND EVERYTHING ELSE.

Also, what's up with people dying lately. It's not okay. D:

Holy crap guys! I got offered a job! (!!!). After searching for something pretty much since August, the YMCA sent me this email today: This is excellent news. Also, I interviewed with the Boys & Girls Club on Monday and the dude pretty much wanted to hire me on the spot. They don't have a position in that center right now, but he wants me to do literacy (they have a lot of kids with dyslexia/other learning disabilities) and are looking to locate me elsewhere. I guess I have to do another round of interviews to see where they would place me, but either way it looks like the days of eking out an existence and not actually making enough to pay rent are behind me. Next stop, paying utilities, student loans, and getting off food stamps. Hurrah!

YOU GUYS FIRED UP IS AMAZING OMG. YOU MUST ALL COME OVER HERE AND WATCH IT WITH ME OKAY? also it amuses me how alike Claire and I are sometimes.


secret santa holiday love meme!

do any of you have/know of a song that's about people just sort of jumping into bed without knowing each other (and then it works out (sort of) and they form a relationship from it, but that's not...quite as important)? I have this mix that I've been working on since like August that is stuck on like two songs and while I think I may have figured out one of them the other is just not working and yeah. I would appreciate your help.

on the other hand, on the mix front, I have two that are done (except for album art, although one of those is just because of how perfectionist and paranoid I am) and ready to be posted. although I still don't know why I'm doing this lol.


also this is like the greatest thing ever omg.





so you remember how I said I wouldn't be using LJ very much anymore? yeah.

finally getting around to this, since I've seen it on like EVERYBODY'S journal.

STEP ONE

Make a post (public, friendslocked, filtered...whatever you're comfortable with) to your LJ. The post should contain your list of 10 holiday wishes. The wishes can be anything at all, from simple and fandom-related ("I'd love a Snape/Hermione icon that's just for me") to medium ("I wish for _____ on DVD") to really big ("All I want for Christmas is a new car/computer/house/TV.") The important thing is, make sure these wishes are things you really, truly want.

If you wish for real life things (not fics or icons), make sure you include some sort of contact info in your post, whether it's your address or just your email address where Santa (or one of his elves) could get in touch with you.


STEP TWO

Surf around your friendslist (or friendsfriends, or just random journals) to see who has posted their list. And now here's the important part:

If you see a wish you can grant, and it's in your heart to do so, make someone's wish come true. Sometimes someone's trash is another's treasure, and if you have a leather jacket you don't want or a gift certificate you won't use—or even know where you could get someone's dream purebred Basset Hound for free—do it.

You needn't spend money on these wishes unless you want to. The point isn't to put people out, it's to provide everyone a chance to be someone else's holiday elf—to spread the joy. Gifts can be made anonymously or not—it's your call.

There are no rules with this project, no guarantees, and no strings attached. Just...wish, and it might come true. Give, and you might receive. And you'll have the joy of knowing you made someone's holiday special.

( used to be one of the rotten ones, and I liked you for that; now you're all gone, got your makeup on, and you're not coming back )


if anyone actually wants to send me any of this (lol not likely), just message me or email me at bigbadmarchingband[at]gmail[dot]com and I'll give you contact info.

so apparently I am a vase shape instead of an apple shape, which is sort of relieving because I saw the apple type on that page and was like D: THAT IS MY FUTURE??? vase is a little better.

my sleep habits are all fucked up :/ I've been completely exhausted by 7:30-8 and usually in bed by 9. last night I slept somewhere between 6-8 hours but Thursday night I slept for 9 hours straight (which is pretty unusual for me) and was still tired as hell when I woke up. maybe it's the fatigue I usually get before/during/after my period? idk but it sucks. plus I'm having trouble finding the motivation to eat. like I get hungry but idc enough to do anything about it if there isn't something instantly fixable (like microwaving or that I can eat cold...toasting/buttering a bagel is about as much effort as I am currently willing to make and we don't have any).

also I have been way too into jaechun lately and Rachel has turned me into a complete pervert :|


【THE TIME CAPSULE MEME】

new blog
how all my baby daddies die in the surf
read it at amandapalmer.net (or here on myspace)

just as a random note I now have a listography and a tumblr (links in the sidebar), which I will hopefully be using more than my LJ because I feel like I post too much random shit that nobody cares about here. so yeah. I haven't/won't be disappearing or anything.

also I have been listening to "Butterfly Caught" by Massive Attack on repeat and it's sort of making me want to cry. the music video is intense. the makeup in it makes me giddy though, I love shit like that. (like in X2, Nightcrawler's scarification? yeah.)

For those who have been wondering.
( What I've been up to the past few days: )

That puts us up to the present.
I had thought I was fine and over it and whatever, but I'm not sure anymore. Nonetheless, I will be back at school Wednesday and Thursday: I may be out Friday, because there is debate over whether to have the funeral then or on Saturday. I will be capable of attending the GLSEN social tomorrow and leading GSA the day after that.

I was about to post this wishing someone would say something comforting, about what a good friend I am or how sorry they are, but these are lies we tell each other when it is presumed necessary, and I don't want to oblige anyone or go on with this self-serving, self-pitying bullshit.

I am fine. I am always fine. I will continue to be fine. Good day.